


Funny Things

by Kay (sincere)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Banter, Card Games, Flirting, Gen, Incest Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-02 03:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincere/pseuds/Kay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A pleasant evening at home in the Kamelot family. Only Tyki could do without the family. Domestic Noah hijinx.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Funny Things

He dealt the cards in a quick, even rhythm, stacking them and sorting them out as he dealt -- this ace to the side, this ace beneath it as well, this black five atop this red six, a soothing ritual that didn't require thought. It helped keeping him from thinking about how everything still ached, and how much he wanted another smoke even though he'd had one an hour ago, and how he was stuck in this house with these stupid bastards who considered themselves his family.

"Tyki~"

_Great,_ Tyki thought, staring down at his cards. He flipped a card from the pile. "What is it, Cyril?" he said flatly, not inviting of any more conversation than Cyril found strictly necessary. If left to his own devices the man would pry at his sex life with an eagerness usually reserved for exceptionally good food or a rousing sporting event, or other pursuits less enjoyable in public.

The minister settled down on the table across from him, and turned a politely puzzled look on Tyki's solitaire game. "Ah, patience," he said idly. "Tricia likes to play it sometimes. She read about it in Henshaw's _Amusements for Invalids_."

That by itself was almost enough to make Tyki lose his taste for the game, and only moreso because of the eerie fond tone he said it in. He leaned back and observed, "Has anyone ever told you it's gross how you get off on your wife's illness?"

"That's very rude of you, Tyki, bringing up something like that out of the blue," Cyril said with a good-natured laugh. "Obviously we have some way to go before you're a gentleman on the inside as well as the outside!"

Tyki would trade a dozen Cyrils for one Eeez, regardless of how much better it was supposed to be to live the life of a gentleman that Cyril offered him. His fingers itched for a cigarette, but smoking was strictly forbidden in the manor because it agitated Tricia's delicate health. He said pointedly, "Are you going to tell me why you came here or not?"

"I wanted to ask about something," Cyril said mildly. "I would like to know more about this -- Allen Walker."

He didn't know what he'd been expecting, but that name seemed to come out of nowhere and strike him right in the heart of his serenity. Tyki lifted a hand, rubbing his chest through his shirt, where the scars left by Walker's Innocence still scored his skin. It seemed that the cheating boy was on everyone's minds lately. "This interest seems sudden," he said.

Cyril leaned back, gesturing grandly. Tyki could see that he was going off into that chatty politician mode that he used when conducting affairs of state. "Why wouldn't I be interested in him? He nearly defeated you, nearly stole the very Noah from your body... He survived despite the Tease eating a hole in his heart. He's an instrument of our once-brother, the 14th... The Earl himself has been _dreaming_ about him. Naturally I'm interested, as one of the few of us who hasn't had a chance to make his acquaintance yet."

Right, a very grand speech. Tyki muttered, "You want to know because Rhode likes him, don't you."

His pretty political face fell away. Cyril leaned forward intently and said, "If my darling daughter has set her heart on this young man, I, as her father, have a responsibility to make sure he's good for her!"

"Not you too?" Tyki shook his head. He wasn't sure if he was amused or not that Cyril had the same thought process as that damn fool umbrella. "Something tells me that this relationship is doomed to failure."

"And I want to know why," Cyril said, smiling.

"Because... she's a Noah and he's an Exorcist with the ability to destroy Noah."

"Aside from that."

Tyki toyed with the card on top of the deck. If Cyril was going to be ridiculous, he might as well aggravate him. "He cheats at poker," he said blandly. "And he plays for keeps. Stripped me down to my skivvies. He's like a monster."

He saw with great pleasure that he had stumped Cyril for a long moment; the minister stared at him, visibly trying to determine if Tyki was toying with him, but of course it was nothing but the truth. Tyki met his gaze squarely. "As pleasant as the notion of you in your skivvies is," Cyril managed finally; Tyki rolled his eyes, "that's -- not terribly appropriate, for a lad of--"

"There's a long, vivid red scar on his face, too. You saw his photograph, didn't you?" Tyki added. "His left arm is deformed as well. He was born with Innocence inside of it, I believe, so without the Innocence, he's got no arm. Saw it myself. Don't know what possessed Rhode to kiss him."

He did, of course, have a fairly good idea what it was that captivated her interest, even if he disapproved of the way she chose to express it; but more importantly, it made Cyril clutch at his chest in shock. "My-- my little Rhode's first kiss...!"

Probably not the time to tell him that he wouldn't be so sure it was Rhode's first kiss, or the cheating boy's, for that matter. Tyki reasoned that he had already gotten her in enough trouble to keep himself entertained. He reached for his cigarettes and tapped one out, setting it unlit in his mouth. "So," he said. "Got enough dirt on your future son-in-law?"

The door to the sitting room opened, and Rhode skipped into the room, trailed more sedately by Tricia. "Pardon us," Tricia said with a small smile at them both, and nodded at Tyki. "But Rhode demanded that her uncle be the one to put her to bed."

Rhode was already clambering up onto Tyki's lap; he scowled at her a little. Cyril, the perv, was the one who enjoyed dandling her on his knee, but she seemed to take every opportunity in his presence to attempt to get the same treatment out of him.

"Rhode," Cyril said, his voice strained. "You're not to see that Allen boy again."

She glanced back at him over her shoulder, her gaze unresponsive and distant for a moment, and then it melted into a more childish expression of distress. "Ehhh? Why not?" she demanded, curling her arms around Tyki's neck, a little too tight. _This is your fault,_ the embrace said.

"Lero would've ratted you out if not me," Tyki pointed out, and she curled them tighter. He'd never hear the end of it if he let her go right through him, so he sighed and removed the cigarette from his mouth.

"He's not an appropriate companion for you," Cyril insisted, coming closer and hovering. Tyki eyed him. He wanted to play protective daddy and was made further unhappy that Rhode wasn't cuddling with him. "I'm not heartless! When it's time for you to find a young man, I won't just betrothe you willy-nilly. You'll be able to choose whoever you wan _oof_ \--" He doubled over, Rhode's tiny fist in his stomach.

"I want _Allen_!"

"Rhode!"

"Sorry, Tricia," she said, not sounding terribly repentant.

Tyki curled his arms around Rhode and stood, hefting her so that she could lean on his shoulder. "I think she's getting a little cranky," he said, and endured her scornful stare. "It's past her bedtime, so I'll just be off to put her to sleep..."

Tricia ducked her head in appreciation, shifting to stand by her husband, who was recovering slowly and looking far more deeply hurt than could be accounted for by a simple punch like that -- however fierce Rhode's fists could be. She waved at him a little over Tyki's shoulder, which was more apology than Tyki frankly expected from her.

"You really like him," he said skeptically when they were a suitable distance down the hallway.

Rhode kicked her dangling feet and said blithely, "Of course I do. He's funny."

"He does horrible things at night while thinking of you."

"I know," she said placidly. "That's what makes him funny." She tangled her fingers in his ponytail, enjoying the long hair she'd been so insistent he keep. "He thinks about you too," she added with a smirk.

"No way." Rhode giggled and pressed her lips to his cheek in a coy kiss; Tyki fixed her with a withering stare. "How can you be so cheerful after suggesting something that thoroughly nauseating?" he asked sourly.

Rhode put a finger to her chin, thoughtful, and then said, "Well, it helps that _you're_ funny, too."

Tyki kicked open the door to her room unceremoniously. It was a cute room, filled with stuffed animals and elegant furniture painted with bright colors and a vast canopy bed complete with fluffy comforter; pink, sweet, the sort of thing meant for some angelic human girlchild, of the variety that Rhode went to school with and secretly loathed. He set her down on the covers and she squirmed quickly out of her shoes and her fine dress, changing into the nightgown laid out against the pillows while Tyki, exasperated, kept his eyes averted. She had no concept of modesty.

Finally Rhode was ready for bed, and she slid beneath the covers and leaned forward, chin in her hands. "It's because I love all my family," Rhode said. "Some more than others. But I love all of us."

Which made her seem like a saint compared to Tyki, who could easily ditch half the stupid bastards called _family_ without blinking an eye. It made her seem like Allen, the stubborn brat who had tried to reach out to every human -- even those who had lost or thrown away their right to any such acceptance.

But it was more than the comparison that made him think of Allen. "Is that why you're so set on him?" he asked mildly, sitting on the edge of the mattress. "Because he's family?"

Rhode traced her blunt fingernails over the covers. She said without looking up, "You won't understand. You don't remember him. If you remembered..."

Tyki watched her melancholy features. First the Earl, and now Rhode... Any mention of the 14th and they would turn inward, looking to the past, looking at themselves. They were right; he didn't know. All he had was endless curiosity. Who was their outcast brother? Why had he done what he did? And what was it about him that made them mourn him, even after that?

Still, his conclusion didn't ring quite true. Tyki thought about it, and then pointed out, "But you were like this about Allen before we found out who he is."

"I've always known who he is," Rhode said, flopping onto her back amidst the pillows and grinning mischievously up at him. "Allen Walker. I may not have known who he used to be, but I've always known what he is now."

"Oh really. What is he?"

"Funny," she said sweetly.

Tyki felt his lips quirk up into a smile, and he ducked his head to kiss her on the forehead. He wouldn't give a damn if certain members of his 'family' were killed, Cheating Boy A notwithstanding, but Rhode was different. The Earl had told him how ruthless she had been after he had been injured, and he rather suspected it would have been the same the other way around; which was as close to family as he'd ever needed. "Good night, Rhode."

"Good night, Tykipet~" she called after him as he stood up, and Tyki rolled his eyes and left her there to sleep in her thoroughly inappropriately sweet pink bed.


End file.
